


all I do (is think about you)

by breakthesewallsdown



Category: Sanvers - Fandom, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Finally, alex comes to her senses, bc we can never have too much of those, bless lesbian jesus, fixit fic, post xover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 09:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12861516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakthesewallsdown/pseuds/breakthesewallsdown
Summary: “Then why are you here?”“Because I made a mistake,”ora post-crossover fixit fic, because Alex finally realized she made a mistake.





	1. and I won't let go

**Author's Note:**

> **PSA** : I haven't seen the crossover. Just some limited scenes (like two). Aka everything I wrote is based off of that, so my apologies if I got anything wrong. Actually I don't apologize at all, because, well, yeah.

Maggie's dozing off on the couch when she hears it. 

Knocks. 

On her front door. 

She blinks her eyes open, tries to rub the sleep out of them as she glances at the time on her phone. 12:07 AM. She frowns, not knowing who'd be crazy enough to knock on her door at this time of day. She's not even sure anybody knows where she lives. 

When the knocks return, more impatient, it seems, she pushes herself up from where she's sitting and shuffles over towards the door, grabbing her gun on the way. She looks through the peephole and she swears her heart stops beating at the sight in front of her. 

Alex Danvers. Soaked through the bone. 

Maggie's not sure what to do. Does she open the door? Does she pretend she's asleep and just waits for Alex to leave? God, she hasn't seen Alex in, what feels like, months. She didn't even think she'd see her again, like, ever. But now she's at her front door and Maggie's heart longs for her, knowing that she's just at the other side. 

They haven't spoken. They've both just pretended the other one doesn't exist. So why is Alex here? At midnight? Looking like she just spent hours walking in the rain? Maggie frowns. 

When Alex takes a step back and makes a turn to leave, Maggie makes up her mind and unlocks the door. Then it only takes her to take a deep breath before she swings the door open and when their eyes meet it's like everything falls into place again. 

Maggie doesn't know what to say. And apparently, neither does Alex, because all she does is knot her hands together in front of her and look at Maggie like she's the most beautiful piece of art on the planet. It's awkward, to say the least. So Maggie puts her gun back, clears her throat and manages her voice to not crack when she speaks. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Alex averts her gaze and swallows heavily, “I, uh, I need to talk to you,” 

“Now?” Maggie asks, “It's past midnight,” 

“I know, I – I'm sorry,” Alex mutters, wiping her cheeks dry, “I just got back and I just, I needed to see you,” 

Maggie sighs, realizing there's no getting out of this conversation, because for some reason Alex is determined to talk to her, to be here, to see her, and Maggie's never really been able to tell her no. 

“Do you want to come in? You're soaked,” 

Alex glances down towards herself and shrugs, “I, yeah, thanks,” 

Maggie opens the door fully and takes a step aside to let her in, trying not to let her gaze wander as Alex walks past her. When Maggie closes the door she takes a few seconds to gather herself, closing her eyes and biting her lip. She can do this. 

“I'll get you some towels,” she says as she turns back towards Alex, not quite fully meeting her eyes. 

Alex nods, just stands there, “Thank you,” 

“You can, uh, take your shoes and your sweater off if you want,” Maggie says, carefully, “let them dry on the heating,” 

Alex nods again and Maggie takes notice of how Alex carefully unties her boots while she herself walks towards the bathroom to grab Alex some towels. It's so weird to have her in this apartment. Maggie does the counting as she reaches for the warmest towel she has, it's been nearly a month since she last saw Alex. So to say she's confused as to why Alex suddenly wants to see her and talk to her is an understatement. 

When she gets back to the living room, Alex is still just standing in the middle of the room, her arms wrapped around herself. At least she got rid of her sweater, her shoes and her socks. Maggie hands her the towel and tells her to sit down, asks her if she wants anything to drink. 

Alex shakes her head, “No, thanks. I, uh, I just need two minutes of your time and then I'll be out of your hair, I promise. I know it's late,”

Maggie nods and waits, not sure if she's supposed to say anything or not. She tries to meet Alex's gaze, she really does, but it's hard and it hurts and she's only now starting to realize that her _ex-fiancée_ is sitting across from her on her own couch. So she talks, before Alex has the chance. 

“How do you know where I live?” 

Alex at least has the decency to look a little busted at that, “I had Winn do some research, maybe,” 

That only confuses Maggie more. Why would Alex go to all this trouble to find her? The confusion must be clear on her face, because Alex sighs and rubs her face. 

“These past few days I was in another universe,” Alex starts, “there's multiple earths and all that jazz, and I'd explain what happened, but I feel like now is not the time,” 

Maggie just nods. 

“Okay. So, I, uh, I was there, with Kara, and,” she sighs, “apart from the fighting, of course, I had to go to a wedding.”

Their eyes meet at that. Maggie wants to look away but she can't. She can't and it hurts and God why did Alex think this was a good idea? She didn't ask for this. She accepted Alex's choice and she left and now she's just trying to move on. 

“And, honestly, Maggie, I – I kept imagining you and I there. It felt wrong to be there, because I know our wedding was supposed to be next month and I was so lost,” she looks down at her lap, “I met someone, there. Her – her name's Sara,” 

Maggie feels tears pooling in her eyes, so she blinks a few times and tries to breathe deeply in through her nose. Her hands clench on her lap. This was a bad idea. She doesn't want to hear about Alex meeting another woman, about how amazing she is and how they're dating now. 

“If you just came here to tell me you're seeing someone, I'd really just appreciate if you left instead,” Maggie manages to get out.

Alex rapidly shakes her head, looks up into Maggie's gaze with watery eyes, “No, Maggie, I wouldn't do that, I –,” 

“Then why are you here?” 

“Because I made a mistake,” 

Maggie freezes. She's not sure she can handle where this conversation is going. But she also knows there's no going back now, so all she can do is go through with it. 

“I'm listening,” she says, trying to harden her voice to not feel as small as she does. 

“Okay,” Alex nods curtly, “so I slept with Sara,”

Maggie tries not to flinch, blinks another few times to keep her tears at bay. 

“And it felt so much like cheating, Maggie. I – I know we're not,” she hesitates, “together. But it felt so wrong and I just, I felt like the worst person. I still do,” 

“ _Alex_ ,” she sighs. 

“No, I'm not done, please,” Alex mutters, “because I've been thinking so much, lately, over the past few weeks and I've been so stupid. I've made the biggest mistake I ever could've made, Maggie,” 

“Please don't do this,” 

“Maggie,” Alex mutters, scooting closer on the couch, letting the towel drop from her shoulders, “all I could think about, when I was there, was that I had to get back to you,” 

Maggie shakes her head, turns her head, “Why are you doing this?” 

Alex sniffs, wipes her cheek, “I don't know. People kept telling me I made the right choice and I did was what right for me. But I can't stop thinking about it being a mistake. About how I was wrong to let you go,” 

“Stop, please,” Maggie pleads, tears dripping down her cheek. She quickly wipes them away, clears her throat, “you can't just come here and just – I can't do that, Alex,” 

Alex sighs, nods, “I'm sorry, I just thought you needed to know,” 

“What good does me knowing?” Maggie asks, finally looking back at Alex and meeting her gaze, “It doesn't change _anything_ ,” 

“Maybe it can,” Alex says, voice barely louder than a whisper as her gaze wanders over Maggie's face. 

Maggie just violently shakes her head, “It doesn't, Alex. I - I need you to leave, please,” 

She tries to ignore the hurt flashing through Alex's eyes, tries to ignore the sad downturn of her lips. But then Alex nods and Maggie turns away, hiding her face in her hands. She listens how Alex gets up from the couch and puts on her socks and shoes, before shrugging on her sweater. Alex mutters something under her breath, but Maggie tries to ignore everything. She's just trying to stop the tears from coming.

“Can I just say one more thing?” Alex asks, and when Maggie looks up she sees her standing by the door, hand on the knob, eyes downcast. 

Maggie nods, giving up on trying not to cry. 

“I know I said I want kids, and I do, but not if it means I can't have you. When I imagined myself having kids, it was with you. Without you it just,” she sighs, “it doesn't mean anything, anymore. Nothing means anything without you. And being out there, risking my life, once again, I realized I can never have kids. Not as long as this is my job. And I want to do this job for the rest of my life, Maggie,” 

Maggie swallows, begs the tears to stop coming, “So you're just saying you want me back, because you realized you can't have kids?” 

“No, Maggie, no,” Alex says, as soon as Maggie lets out a sob, “ _God_ , no. You're – I would give up everything for you, Maggie. You know, I almost died, out there. They had me at gunpoint and all I could think about was you,” 

She walks closer to Maggie, sinks down to her knees in front of her, “All I could think about was how letting you go was the dumbest thing I've ever done. I don't know why I thought I could do this without you. Because I _can't_ , Maggie,” Alex reaches out to grab Maggie's hand, carefully, “I can't live my life without you in it. And if that means we'll never have kids, well, then fine. Because I was this close to dying and I didn't even _think_ about kids. All I could think about was you,” 

Now Maggie's just full on sobbing, because it just hurts so much. It hurts to have the woman you're still head over heels in love with on her knees in front of you, telling you all these heartfelt things, but not knowing what to do with them. Because maybe it's just an in the moment kind of thing and maybe next week Alex will realize that she does want kids and that kids are _all_ she wants. 

“What do you want, Alex?” Maggie asks, her bottom lip trembling as she looks at her. 

It doesn't take Alex three seconds to reply, “You,” 

“How can you say that?” Maggie cries, “How can you sit here and tell me you changed your mind like that?”

Alex wipers her own eyes, feeling betrayed by the tears that slip down her cheeks, “I didn't change my mind, Maggie. I just realized that having kids without you isn't worth it. Nothing is worth losing you. I'm sorry it took me this to realize,” 

“What if you change your mind?” 

Alex's free hand reaches up to cup Maggie's cheek, holding her there so they have to look at each other. 

“I almost _died_ , Maggie. I'm not changing my mind ever again,” 

Maggie shakes her head, “You don't know that,” 

“And you do?” She asks, looking Maggie straight in the eye, “I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure, Maggie, you know that just as much as I do,” 

“What if you realize I'm not good enough after all?” Maggie wipes her cheek with her free hand, tries to turn her eyes away from Alex's gaze.

“You are,” Alex says, sternly, “You've _always_ been good enough, I promise. I was just stupid and I didn't realize and I am so sorry,” 

Maggie just keeps shaking her head, not wanting to believe a word of it. Not being able to believe it. The past few weeks she kept telling herself it's over, that she has to move on and forget about Alex, because there's no use in being sad over it. But now Alex is here, telling her all these things and Maggie just.. She doesn't know. 

“I – I need to think about it,” 

Alex pulls both her hands back at that and nods, “Of course. I'll give you time. As much as you need,” 

Maggie looks at her and smiles softly, “Thank you,” 

“Can I,” she sighs, “can I give you a hug?” 

And it's like Maggie's on autopilot because she just nods and immediately opens her arms for Alex, melting against her chest as soon as Alex wraps her arms around her. Maggie inhales sharply, Alex's scent just like she remembered, and smiles against the skin of Alex's neck. 

“I missed you,” Maggie whispers, and she can feel Alex shiver. 

“I missed you too,” Alex says, her left hand rubbing soft circles on Maggie's back, her right hand in her hair, “so much,” 

When Alex pulls back a few beats later, Maggie's gaze drops to her lips and she sighs. She wishes she could kiss her, but it'd make things even more complicated. So she settles for a smile and a squeeze of Alex's hand. 

“You know where to find me, okay?” Alex asks as she gets back on her feet.

Maggie nods. “I do,” 

“Okay,” Alex smiles softly, hopeful, “I'll be waiting,”

“See you around, Danvers,” Maggie says as she watches Alex open the door. 

Alex just glances over her shoulder and smiles one more time, before walking out and pulling the door closed behind her. 

And maybe Maggie should feel empty or scared, or mad even. But she can't help but feel hopeful, she can't help the small smile on her face and the flicker of light in her heart. She still feels the cracks, but maybe it can be mended instead of shattered.


	2. 'cause I want you close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all your nice comments are really heartwarming and motivating, so thank you. I appreciate all of you and I read all of them. (: 
> 
> here's chapter 2 with more pain but a happy ending, as always. 
> 
> ps: I posted this in a hurry because I have to leave in 10 minutes, but I didn't want to let y'all wait too long. so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes.

Over the next few days, Maggie tries to wrap her head around everything. 

She replays that night in her head over and over and _over_ again. How Alex held her hand, how she said that Maggie was good enough, that she's been stupid and that it's been a mistake to let her go. How Alex said she almost died. How she slept with another woman. 

In the month they've been apart, Maggie couldn't even look at another woman. Don't get her wrong, she won't hold it against Alex in any way. She's just wondering. Maybe wondering how much Alex loves her. But mostly wondering why it was so easy to sleep with someone else this fast. Wondering if it's because she's _just_ Maggie. And Sara was.. well, Sara. Maggie wonders what she looks like, if they maybe look anything alike and that's why Alex slept with her. 

Or maybe they didn't look alike at all. 

She knows she should stop. She knows torturing herself like this isn't helping them, or her, in any way. But she can't help it. Maggie can't help but think of the fact that she's now not the first and last woman Alex kissed. That she's not the only woman Alex has had sex with. She feels selfish, in a way. For wanting to be that. 

It makes her feel sick, of thinking about Alex with another woman. It's always made her feel sick, even before they were dating. Even when she told Alex that she had to figure it out for herself. The thought of Alex being with anyone that isn't Maggie just makes her feel nauseous. She can't help but feel jealous of this Sara. Not necessarily because they had sex, but more just the fact that she had Alex, in whatever way that was. 

While Maggie was alone. 

She feels like she needs to talk about Alex more. But she doesn't think she wants to know. She's not even sure it matters. Because, like, why would it matter? It's done. She's not seeing her and Alex wants _Maggie_. But Maggie can't help herself and still wonder. 

Maggie hasn't really left her apartment. She called in sick for work and only left once to get some groceries for the next couple of days. She turned off her phone and just sat on her couch, thinking. 

What if she tried this again, with Alex? Does she really want to risk it all again? Risk getting hurt? Not being good enough? She doesn't know if she can risk losing Alex again. She's lost her too many times already. The first time, after she rejected Alex. The second time, when Kara went missing and Alex sent her away. And then the third time, the worst time. 

She can't do it again. She can't give herself to Alex once more, give her everything, and end up with nothing. She's had to build herself up way too many times before that she can do it on autopilot. Maggie really doesn't want to go through all of it again, especially not because of Alex. 

But what if Alex doesn't change her mind again? What if she actually, really, wants to be with Maggie? What if she wants to get married and wants the house and the dog and _no_ kids? What if she wants all those first that they talked about, even if kids won't be one? 

Maggie runs her hand through her hair, frustrated with herself. She wishes she could make this easier and just run to Alex to tell her that she loves her, that she wants her. That they can be together and that they belong together. 

And maybe she can make it easier. 

But she's still scared and somehow she feels like that scared little girl again, about to put that Valentine's card in the locker of the girl she likes. 

Except now she might be about to give her heart to the woman she loves, instead. 

 

•

 

Her heart is beating in her chest, her hands sweaty at her sides. She doesn't know why she's doing this. It's a bad idea and it's going to end up in heartbreak. Again. 

But Maggie can't help herself. She can't help the longing for Alex. She can't forget the way Alex looked at her, the way Alex told her that she was the last thing on her mind. Maggie can't forget anything about the night Alex showed up at her door. 

Especially not how much she had wanted to kiss her. 

So after giving herself a small pep talk, she knocks on Alex's front door. It doesn't take long before Maggie hears footsteps and she knows Alex is looking through the peephole, so she timidly stares at her feet. Then the door unlocks and it takes two of Maggie's heartbeats for the door to open. 

“Maggie,” Alex breathes, opening the door fully so she can come in if she wants to. 

Maggie tries to smile, wipes her hands on her jeans, but waits. This would be the first time she steps back into Alex's place after what happened. After they broke up, after they danced, after they made love for the last time. After Maggie recited a part of her vows to Alex. 

She hesitates. 

Alex notices, because she sighs and drops her gaze. “We can go for a walk if you'd prefer that,” 

Maggie shakes her head and just says, “It's raining,” 

Then she lifts her chin and forces herself to step over the threshold. Alex's apartment is still the ways she remembered. It just looks more empty now, not as rich and full and happy as it used to. Maggie's eyes scan the place carefully and when her gaze drops to the shelves with bonsai trees she can't help the watering of her eyes. 

“You still have them?”

The door clicks shut and two seconds later Alex is standing next to her, smiling softly, “Of course. I couldn't get rid of them. They were all I had left,” 

Maggie can feel her heart crack just that little more at Alex's words, even though she can't help but feel a little angry, too. She tries to breathe, in through her nose, out through her mouth. Turning away from Alex, she angrily wipes her eyes and bites her lip. She can't get angry, she can't say the things on her mind, because they'll only make this worse. 

“Maggie?” 

She shakes her head rapidly, wraps her arms around herself. She doesn't want to cry. She hates crying. Crying is weakness and Maggie's always been good at hiding that. She can't be vulnerable. Not now, not yet. 

But then Alex is standing behind her, her hand soft on Maggie's arm, and Maggie loses it. She spins around, startled for just a second at how close Alex is standing to her, but she's tired and angry and sad and _so_ in love. 

“How can you say that?” 

Alex frowns, “Say what?” 

“How can you say that they were all you had left?” Maggie asks, tears brimming her eyes so much Alex is getting blurry in front of her, “You – You let _me_ go, Alex. You chose that. You had everyone to fall back to. Your sister, your friends, your mom,”

Alex softens at that, dropping her hand from Maggie's arm and looking down at her feet. 

“I had _no one_ ,” 

She's crying now. Not the ugly sobbing, not yet, but tears rolling down her cheek, dropping off her chin. She wipes them away angrily, still looking at Alex's face even though the latter refuses to meet her gaze. 

“I only had _you_ , Alex. You were the only family I had and the only family I needed,” 

“I'm sorry,” Alex whispers, lifting her head and finally – _finally_ – looking Maggie in the eyes. 

Maggie shakes her head, already regretting coming here. She knew it was a bad idea, knew it'd only hurt more. She doesn't know what she was expecting, really. Because there's only one way this can end and that's with Maggie's heart broken and shattered on the floor, after she tries to hand it to the woman in front of her. 

So she tries to spin on her heel, tries to head for the door, but Alex is too fast and too strong. She grabs Maggie's arm and pulls her into her, holds her against her chest as Maggie cries. And she tries to get away, tries to free herself from Alex's hold and Alex's scent, but she doesn't really _want_ to and that's why she doesn't. That's why Alex keeps holding onto her. 

And Maggie clings onto her shirt, her hands balled into fists on Alex's back, her head resting against Alex's collarbone. And she cries. Maggie finally stops caring and just lets it all out. Her knuckles have probably turned white at this point and Alex probably can't breathe, because Maggie's holding her so tight, but she doesn't care. She presses herself against Alex and shakes her head. 

“I miss you so much,” she says through her tears, her breath hot against Alex's skin. 

And Alex shakes her head, runs her fingers through Maggie's hair, “I know, I miss you too,” 

'I don't know what to do,” 

“You don't have to do anything. I'm not going to make you do anything, I hope you know that,” 

Maggie pulls back at that, just enough to be able to look at Alex. Their eyes meet and Maggie shivers. Alex's eyes are still as beautiful as they always have been. She closes her eyes for a second and focuses on her breathing. 

“I'm serious, Maggie,” Alex says, softly, “if you want to walk out of here and never look back I'll leave you alone. I'll never show up at your door, or text you, or talk to you again. If that's what you really want and need,” 

Maggie wipes her eyes. 

“Because all I want is for you to be happy. And I don't want to ruin everything again by coming back into your life. I'm sorry if I did,” 

“I was happy with you,” Maggie sighs, turning away from Alex again and taking a few steps towards the couch. Away from Alex. 

It's quiet after that. Maggie waiting for Alex to say something and Alex not knowing what to say. Alex just stands there, looking at Maggie, and Maggie just wants to reach for her and hug her again. But she knows there's still a lot to talk about and she's just so confused. 

“I was – I was _so_ happy with you, Alex,” Maggie says, then, when she realizes Alex isn't going to say anything, “After all these years of thinking that I didn't deserve to be happy, that I wasn't made to be loved, you showed me I was wrong. And I,” she sighs, a new wave of tears making their way down her face, “I really thought that was _it_ , you know? I thought you were it, for me. And I was so excited to marry you. I couldn't wait to be your wife, even if I never even thought about getting married before I met you,” 

“Maggie,” Alex sighs, walking over to her. 

But Maggie holds up her hand and Alex stops. Because that's something they've always been good at. Showing and accepting boundaries. Knowing when the other says _no_ and _stop_. 

“And before I met you, I never thought about getting a house or a dog or, or, _kids_ ,” Maggie says, exhaustion laced through her voice, “I never saw myself being a mom, because I never had anyone to be a mom with. And we never talked about it. I mean, you never said anything and I never asked. I didn't know, Alex,” 

She looks at Alex, notices the tears in the other woman's eyes and it makes her cry even more. Because if there's one thing she's never been able to handle, it's Alex crying. 

“And then you mentioned them and I freaked out. And one of the first things you said to me was that you were okay with not having them if I didn't want them. How could I have known that you weren't okay with that if you didn't talk to me? When did you stop talking to me? Why?” 

Maggie takes a step closer towards her, needing Alex to hear this. 

“I never said I _never_ want kids, Alex,” she says, “I just don't know. Because I've never really thought about it before you mentioned it. I've never envisioned myself with them, with anyone, before. But you didn't even give us a chance to figure it all out. To see if maybe, _maybe_ , I changed my mind in the long run,” and there's anger again now, she can feel it in the pit of her stomach, “you just decided it wasn't worth fighting for. That _I_ wasn't worth fighting for. And you gave up,”

“You agreed,” and Alex knows it's a pitiful comeback, but she doesn't know what else to say. Because Maggie is right and hearing it from someone else than her own mind hurts. 

Maggie laughs. It's humorless and sharp. She wipes the tears off her cheeks, “I _had_ to. I tried to fight for you, for us, but you weren't listening. What was I supposed to do?”

“I – I'm sorry, Maggie,” Alex mutters, “You're right,” 

“I don't want to be _right_ , Alex,” Maggie says, boiling, “I want to be _happy_ ,” 

“I don't know what to do, Maggie, I know I hurt you and it's not something I can ever take back or something I can make up to you. I know you don't trust me anymore and I know I fucked up, but I want to try,” 

Maggie scoffs, “ _Now_ you want to try,” 

“Maggie,” 

“I don't know if I can do this,” Maggie admits, “I don't know if I can open myself up to you, give you my all, only for it to be taken away again. I don't know if I can lose you again,” 

That's the moment Alex breaks and she starts crying now, too, “You won't. I'm not changing my mind again, Maggie. God, I – I've never been more sure about anything,” 

And Maggie can't help but ask. 

“What about Sara?” 

Alex shakes her head, wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand, “Sara was a mistake. I never should've – I wish I didn't. I'm sorry,” 

Maggie just nods. 

“I swear, Maggie, I never want to be with anyone else but you,” 

“What if I – what if I never want kids?” It sounds broken, the way she's asking, but she doesn't really care anymore at this point. She just wraps her arms around herself and squeezes. 

“Then we don't,” Alex asks, not even missing a beat. She's looking determined and sure of herself and Maggie feels her heart heal a little bit at that, “Then we'll just get five dogs and give them terrible names. And we'll be the cool aunts. And I'll be happy as long as you're with me,” 

Maggie sighs. She wants to give in so, _so_ badly. She wants to hold Alex and tell her it's all okay and they're fine and _God_ she wants to kiss Alex like she's never wanted anything else. It's tearing her up from the inside out. 

“I know it all sounds like a cliché and I know I'll have to work hard to gain your trust again. And I know there's a lot left to talk about and a lot to prove on my part, but I promise I will give you everything I have, I promise I'll make you even happier than you were. If you want to try, too,” 

“I _want_ to, Alex,” Maggie's lower lip trembles as she speaks, “God, I want to. I just – what if it doesn't work out?” 

“What if it does?” 

“We have to be on the same page,” 

Alex nods, takes a small step forward, “I know. So let's start by telling each other what we want. What do you want?” 

She sighs, bites her lip. 

“I want to kiss you,” she admits, then, finally, “and I want to be with you. I've _always_ wanted to be with you, Alex. And I want the dog. Even if you want to name her Gertrude. And I want the wedding. I want the wedding more than anything,” 

Alex smiles through her tears, her hands coming up to cup Maggie's cheeks, “You know what I want?” 

Maggie shakes her head. She's trembling. 

“I want to prepare your gross bagels in the morning. And I want to argue with you over vegan ice cream, but then end up eating it anyway, because I'd do that for you. I want to buy honey for you, so you can have your coffee the way you like it. I want to have you next to me in bed again. I want to bring you home to Kara and tell her that I'm never leaving your side again,” 

Maggie can't stop crying at this point. She feels pathetic. “ _Alex_ ,” 

“I want to be your wife, Maggie,” Alex says, gently, resting her forehead against Maggie's, “and we'll figure everything else out along the way. You were right. I never gave you the chance to get used to the idea of us having kids. When you said you didn't see yourself as a mom, I shut down, and I'm sorry. I should've talked to you and I should've listened. I will be better now, I promise. If you let me,”

“I love you,” 

And Maggie's not sure if she meant to say that at all, but it slipped and Alex is smiling at her and she feels relieved, because it all finally feels like it's finding its place and everything is going to be okay. 

Alex nudges their noses together, breathes deeply, “And I love you. So much.” 

“I want to try,” 

“Yeah?” 

Maggie nods, “Yeah,” 

“Can I,” Alex stops, waits, caresses Maggie's jaw with her thumbs, “Can I kiss you?” 

And Maggie's not sure if she says it or breathes it, but either way, it sounds like a _please_ and then Alex's lips are on hers and she finally feels like she can breathe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> throw me prompts or come yell at me on Twitter! @poetictasya


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